Rey, February 8, 2009

I saw Jesse today, and learned something that has me both scared and very angry. Angry at that vampire bitch, but what else is new. She claims to be Jesse’s friend, but no friend would do that to another. All Ann-Marie cares about is personal power. I don’t care what Jesse told me. I don’t believe Jesse would ever willingly volunteer. Not unless she felt threatened.

Hamilton says what the Anu part of her might be true – that she will let Jesse go when her task is finished and Jesse will be okay. I don’t know what to believe. All I know is that my friend is gone. Still, I don’t want to see Jesse/Anu harmed. What if she is telling the truth? Killing her will kill Jesse, and Anu will just go off to do whatever it is she wants to. If what she said is true… I don’t know what I’ll do if ordered to by Ironclaw.

And she will declare war on the pack. If Hamilton is right, and Anu is one of the Fury, then the pack will be destroyed. I doubt I’d be shown any mercy. I don’t envy being in IC’s shoes. Here he is, confronted with the most powerful spirit he’s likely encountered – or that anyone is likely to encounter peacefully. It’s their nature to hunt and control. If Anu wasn’t quite so powerful, I doubt Jesse would still be alive.

Ironclaw is angry about the situation. That she’s using Ann-Marie and myself to talk to him, rather than talking to him directly. Of course, I made things worse. You’d think I’d know by now to keep my temper in check. I was able to calm things back down somewhat, which was good. If IC decided I needed to be taught a lesson, Grey probably would have just stood there and let it happen.

Ironclaw has set a deadline of three months before he orders an attack on Jesse. He wasn’t happy to learn Anu is a lunar goddess, but he doesn’t show any signs of backing down. He and Grey are going to visit Ironclaw’s father’s pack and ask for help. I hope they talk some sense into him, and convince Ironclaw it’s not worth it. And I wonder what they’ll think about a human being part of the pack, let alone Lupa. I wonder if Grey would speak in my defense. No, I’m not going to think about that now.

I’m going to have to go talk to Ann-Marie. I don’t want to, but I need to find out what’s going on from her point of view. Maybe get her to realize there’s danger. I can’t tell her everything Ironclaw said. That would betray the pack. Most importantly, I have to keep my temper, for the good of the pack. I don’t hate Ann-Marie, but I hate what she is. Everything she represents. She says she wants to be friends, but I do not trust her. Vampires are an abomination, outside the natural order of things.

I will not deny she has helped defend and protect Eldon Well and my friends. But I cannot accept it was out of the goodness of her dead heart. I cannot help but think she has an ulterior motive for everything she does. That she is using us all to advance her own agenda. And even though Jesse/Anu says it was Jesse’s true choice to become one of the Claimed, I find it almost impossible to accept it as truth. Choosing to do it is one thing, but choosing to do it because you are afraid and want to protect others is another.

Perhaps not speaking to Ann-Marie in anything more than passing for almost a year will have given me the ability to keep a civil tongue in my head.

I’m going to take Jesse up on her offer. The chance to meet a Lune. How often could someone like me could that happen for? It could be dangerous, but I’m going to my best to minimize the risks. The Lune might be able to answer some of my questions. Hopefully, if there is a price I have to pay, the cost won’t be too dear.

Dinner Conversation

Timeline: February 8th, 2009

Rey gave the huge pot of venison stew a stir. She smiled, enjoying the aromas, and set the lid down just as the timer for the bread in the oven rang. She’d made it from scratch, trying out a new sourdough recipe. In fact, she’d made two loaves to make sure she’d have some for herself over the next few days.

The young witch looked upstairs when she heard a big thump, pleased Hamilton was enjoying his new catnip-infused toy. She always tried to do something special for him when more than one member of the pack were coming over, to soothe his fears.
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Why Me?

Timeline: February 6, 2009

After Jesse left, Rey gathered her groceries and headed for home. She was quiet until they were out of sight of the bar. Hamilton, what do you think of Jesse’s offer?

The cat trotted along behind her. Very interesting, Miss, he replied. A Lune is a powerful spirit. Who knows what one might be capable of?

That would depend on the Lune, Hamilton said. There are five different choirs, of course, one for each phase of the moon — or face of Luna, depending on how you wish to think of it. Imagine this for a moment, Miss. Luna is a Celestine. Such a spirit is more powerful than that which you would term gods and goddesses. All gods and goddesses of the Moon itself must make way for her or be cast down by her. Many join the ranks of her Lunes.
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What Do You Really Want?

Timeline: February 1, 2009

Rey sat at the desk in the back room of the Blood & Brew, going over the inventory lists, to get an idea of what rate they were going through things. Tomorrow was order day, and she wanted to have everything ready to go. She was also waiting for Gillian to arrive. The new Lupa wanted to talk to her about a few things.

Gillian appeared, walking through the back door. “Hi,” she said. “You wanted to see me?” It was snowing again, a heavy wet sort of precipitation that clung to the used and worn coat she had and she brushed at it a bit before looking around. She saw Lyla’s coat stand nearby, though it had Rey’s coat hanging from it now. She pulled off her coat and hung hers up on a tine opposite Rey’s, then went to stand in front of the desk. She looked at Rey, doing Lyla’s work and sitting at the former lupa’s desk, realizing that Rey must have taken the Blood and Brew from the ex-lupa.

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Long Time No See

Timeline: February 6, 2009
Rey walked out of the grocery store with a backpack full of groceries when she saw Jesse on the other side of the street.

“Hey Jesse!” she called out, and quickly crossed the road to join her friend.

Jesse paused. “Hello, Rey,” she said. Rey oddly felt like Jesse was a taller than she remembered.

“I haven’t seen you around much. What have you been up to?”

As Rey stopped next to her friend, she realized she was lookup up quite a bit to look Jesse in the eye. Rey checked her shoes, but Jesse wasn’t wearing high heels. She was, in fact, wearing an entirely new set of clothes. Or at least, it was a set she hadn’t seen before. “Oh, I’ve been keeping busy,” Jesse replied. There was a quiet stillness to her voice that made one think of libraries or waiting rooms or graveyards. “I quit my job with Tara Honeywell, you know, and started working at the hospice. It keeps me busy. What’s new with you?”
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February 10, 2009

There is a blessing and a curse with having a photographic memory.  The blessing is that you can remember the past with excusite detail and don’t need to journal it for yourself.  The curse is that you must remember the past in all its detail and cannot forget.  Here a journal could be helpful, where one can analyze one’s thoughts.  This is my second attempt at keeping such a journal.  It’s been about a year since I last tried.  Since then I have built relationships in this place, some good, some not so much.  It’s been a rollercoaster to be sure.

Right now most of my friends are away.  They left over a week ago to fulfill a bargan made while in distress on our last mission.   I really couldn’t go, not knowing the situation.  Nor was I part of the bargain, and besides I had a lot to do here.  That being said, I do miss them.

My relationships with them and others in this place are currently in flux.  Whatever I did over the past year is irrelivant once my soul or inner essence was reunited with my kindred form.  I’ve changed, moved farther away from the call of the Beast towards a better understanding of my underlying humanity.  However, they don’t always see that.  My brother does.  May the goddess bless him for it.

After my brother, my best friend is my former ward, now teacher Jesse.  She has, by the goddess’s blessing become one with the spirit Anu for a time.  I’ve learned much from this and Jesse’s actions for my and Kindred benefit will always be remembered and upon her release be rewarded.  Some, such as Chaska and Ironclaw are wary of Anu and her goals; but I am confident that everything will for once in my existence work out right.  It is the goddesses will.

One thing that Anu brought to my attention was that historically, my kind have always strived to find someone or something to serve.  This is true.  I have served the goddess by creating a cult that worships her, giving my best friend to her servant as requested, served my Hierophant regularly, and helped with protecting the greater good – at least as I see it.  But I haven’t found anything or anyone here in Eldon Well to whom I would give my devotion.  Not yet.  Perhaps this place itself deserves my devotion for I do like it.

I tried with Ironclaw, but despite my attempts to fool myself, I did not love him nor could ever do so.  I like him and always will.  I believe he respects me as well, especially his deciding to extend trust to me on the Anu thing.  But, I don’t know if love, like my brother found with Alice, is an option for me.  Now that I am whole, it is something that is important to me. 

I like Lyla.  I considered working for her briefly, though to be honest I didn’t like the business she was in and well, I couldn’t give myself to her will.  It didn’t feel right.  Now, we are still friends, but not close friends.  She lives in two worlds I am not a part of, the underworld of crime and the Pack.  We party, we talk, but in truth I don’t think either of us really knows the other. 

Everyone it seems that I work with is part of this Pack except myself and John.  Michael once dated a member of the same, but I don’t think that worked out.  In any case, I don’t mind not belonging to it; my existence is quite seperate from them and the Danse Macabre conflicts far to much with their ideals at times.  It is better to be allies.

Speaking of which, Chaska and I are making progress.  I like him.  We may not agree on many things but that hasn’t prevented us from getting along quite well.  It is his pro-offered friendship that, along with Johnny, helps me believe it is worth it to stay here.  His is not the only one, but a critical one at a critical time.

I tried with Ramiel.  I think he tried too.  Early on we butted heads.  Now, too many misunderstandings and suspicions have laid between us over the last year for either of us to make the leap to trust each other beyond what is critical for a mission.  He blames me I think for several things, none of which I am culpable for; or I would apologize for.  I for one thought he was a power hungry, arrogant ass.  Yet, I was wrong about him in one critical way.  He does have a bit of humanity in him.  Makes me think there may be hope for some kind of accomidation or trust to be built.  That and despite it all, I do find his bluster and self-confidence quite charming.  I only wish he could see past the fact I am not a mortal.  That and see that, despite what I may have said in the past, I do care about this place and the people within it.  Yet, to really want to protect it, I need a bigger investment.  He could provide that simply by saying, “Lets start again.” or trying to get to know me.  I hope he does, for we have more in common than he thinks.

Michael has me worried.  Mostly because he has everyone else worried and that makes it more than just suspicition on my part.  I would like to know him better as well, but from the start he has made it clear that he doesn’t trust vampires.  Fair enough.  I don’t trust mortals with too much power, but then again who does?  He acts for his own self, and you know after thinking about it, it isn’t much different than what I have done in the past.  I will wait and see on him; but I’d like to think he knows what he is doing.  If he pushes things too far, others may push back.  Myself for one will give him the benefit of the doubt.

I don’t know Rey.  She made it clear she hates vampires.  Once she learns about Jesse she will no doubt despise me.  But Jesse made her choices a long time ago and Rey and everyone else needs to understand that.  She’s in my world, just as Michael, Ramiel, and the other mages in this town have theirs, and the Pack has its world, etc.  We have to respect each others boundries.  Yet, Rey and I are both followers of the old ways, my version being a bit more primal for certain.  She and I could be good friends and allies if she so chose.  But I tried and she rejected that attempt.  It seems to be a common theme.

On this I need to rant a bit to myself.  Some people in this town get it, others don’t.  They don’t know how lucky they are that I am the type to kindred that I am.  I am not Dracula, or some horror out of some cheap novel.  I am Gangrel, a daughter of the Morrigan who has no malice toward the wonderous array of beings gathered in this small remote place.  It must be for some greater purpose that this concentration exists, that is for certain.  Perhaps that, more than anything is why I should stay.  Because these people and perhaps even myself, am important to a larger greater cause.  A cause I can serve.  I for one have tried to embrace the larger issues; but on the smaller ones, I’ve found it so hard to be accepted here.  Sure I have plans, sure I wish power and safety to do what I do, but in that I am no different than spiritkind, werewolves, mages, mystics, espers and the others that are here.  I am a monster, sure.  But like them, one with a soul.  They need to look at the monster in themselves before judging me on the monster I accept that I am.  Perhaps we all need to look past the veneer on whom we are on the outside and look to the persons we all are on the inside; try to understand one another better.  That is something I’ve tried to do.  Maybe someday more than just a few will recognize that.  I’m patient.

Rey, February 2009

Dear god, what have I gotten myself into.

Me, Lupa of the Young Father Bear pack, and partner in Lyla’s other business. It feels like a combo of a bad dream and a sick joke.

I’ve got until June to get myself established and entrenched as Lupa before they can challenge me. To prove to them that I’m the best choice for the job. Ironclaw says that they don’t like change, so providing I don’t piss them off and generally make the pack prosperous, I should be okay.

Except for Lyla, of course. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to win her over. She wants to be in charge, and she blames Ironclaw for what happened. I’m certain that she’ll probably beat me to a pulp the first moment she can. I’m also afraid that she’s planning to go after Ironclaw himself. Unless something changes, he’ll probably lose that fight, and she may deliberately break him and his spirit.

But what the heck am I going to do now?

I’ve taken the Blood & Brew from Lyla. Rose and the others would never take orders from her, and since the bar is the only source of income, I need to be in charge of that. She handed it over to me on the condition that it would always be the property of the Lupa, and if there is no female in the pack to be Lupa, ownership of the bar would go to the Ullfric. When I heard that condition, I immediately thought she was going to go after Ironclaw and become Ulfric, and abolish the position of Lupa so she could control everything. Her reaction to what I said afterwards is making me lean towards her simply caring about the future of the pack, but I still can’t shake my nagging concerns.

In checking out the books for the bar, I’m glad I agreed to take on more responsibilities in Lyla’s other business ventures. The money coming in from the catering is just enough to give everyone paychecks. With her no longer in charge, I might not share those contacts with me. That means I will have to cut back on everyone’s hours until I can replace that revenue. I certainly can’t afford to miss any mortgage payments.

It might not be soon enough to get money in, but perhaps we could work on doing box lunches and stuff for the tourists. Things that pack and travel well. That might earn us some extra cash. But I think I’m going to have to ask Lyla about those catering contacts before she leaves for Mythic City.

I also need to talk to Gillian and the others about the future. What they want now, what they want for the future. And I need to find out if Johnny’s foster parents need any help.

Speaking of help – yeah, I know it’s something of a jump – I need to find Jesse and see what’s up. I haven’t seen her for a while. I hope nothing’s happened.

Eldon Well, February 22, 2008

Friday, February 22, 2008

(late morning)

Grey’s downstairs cooking breakfast. Man, I’m sore, but in such a so very good way. A nice ache that will probably last until Saturday night. He met me outside the Brew after work last night. He didn’t walk me home, but carried me. Picked me up in his arms and once we were out of easy sight of the bar, he slung me over his shoulder and practically sprinted back to the cabin.

He’d set out another spread like before, but much smaller. It soon became clear that a leisurely dinner was not in the cards for last night. I don’t think there’s a single part of me he did not touch in some way. He was so, I don’t know, serious. Methodical. Like he was trying to mark me as his or, cover every inch of me with his scent. And dear god, how he made love to me. He stopped only when I was sore, and even then, he found other ways to pleasure me. I’d doze off, completely spent, only to be awakened by a rising orgasm as he took me from behind as I slept on my belly. He said he wanted to make sure I remembered him, and to give me a reason to want to come back. As if just knowing he’s here, waiting for me, isn’t enough.

I hope they don’t expect me to drive, because I think I’ll probably sleep the entire trip there.

I gave Grey a demonstration of one of my latest accomplishments last night too. I traced the symbols for his name in his tattoo and said them in First Tongue. Grey was surprised, and impressed. He asked me why, and I told him. Being able to understand and speak it will give me an edge. I mean, how many humans learn it? Spirits and other beings will underestimate me, and I could hear things that would be to the packs benefit. The pack can use it in times of stress to let me know what I need to do and not have to worry about giving away their plans.

I want to be as much of an asset to the pack as I possibly can. The best way for me to do that is to learn what I can about their world.

I don’t know if he was excited or worried when he realized I have only one set of plain jane cotton underthings to my name. My choosing what to pack delayed breakfast about an hour. That left me just enough time to clean up so that I didn’t squish when I walked. He walked me to Ramiel’s and gave me a goodbye kiss that left me with my eyes crossed.

And I’m going to have to be a bit more aware of how I dress while we’re in Baltimore. He gave me another love bite, this time on my right breast, and it’s going to bruise just as nicely as the last one he gave me. God, the guys would have a field day if they saw it.

Eldon Well, January 17, 2008

January 17, 2008

Oh, I’m sore. Pulled a muscle in my back at the Brew. Grey met me halfway home and gave me a massage when we got to the cabin. One thing led to another, and to say he liked the tattoo would be an understatement. Needless to say, I really like his too.

That reminds me. I need to get some body chocolate, a waterproof pad and a cheap set of sheets for the bed before Valentine’s Day.

Eldon Well, January 9, 2008

January 9, 2008

They were right when they said getting a tattoo hurt. The woman who did the work was pretty good about it, and it went really fast. I got the wolf print done first because it was the simplest. Next week, I’ll get the other one done. Hamilton healed it when I got home, which was a good thing, as it hurt like hell coming home, with the waistband of my jeans pressing against it.

The pawprint looks really nice. I can hardly wait to show it to Grey.