Rey, March 10, 2009

Work, work, work. That’s all I seem to do these days. I wish I could just sit back, kick up my feet and relax, but I can’t. Not if I’m going to succeed. I’ll be putting Rose in charge while I’m out of town; she’ll act as Lupa when I’m not around. She’s done the job before. She must have done a decent job, otherwise Niki would have challenged her for the position.

I’ve been spending a lot of time with Lyla’s contacts, entrenching myself with the, reminding them that I speak for Lyla in all things. One guy wasn’t too keen on that. He got a bit mouthy, and made some rather crude comments. He even went so far as to lie and say that he always got a blow job, or more, from Lyla. I think that when I shoved my gun into his crotch and asked if he wanted me to shoot to the let or the right, he realized he shouldn’t mess with me. I reminded them Lyla doesn’t fuck the help, and neither do I. Well, not in those exact words, of course. I may have made an enemy there, but they also should know now that they can’t expect to be able to push me around.

The meeting with the middle man went well, I believe. As expected, I have to prove myself. I’ll be given some “small” stuff to move and dispose of. When I’ve shown I have what it takes, I’ll be able to take on more, and eventually be able to pick and choose rather than take whatever comes my way.

I don’t think I want to deal with stereos, computers and other electronics. There’s a lot of people already doing that. I should specialize, or eventually move out of that line and into other stuff. Perhaps artwork and other valuables. Smaller market of buyers, but with potential for far more money.

Speaking of money, it’s a good thing I’ve got money saved up. Things are going to be a bit tight. I’m not sure how much of a loss I’m going to end up taking on my first couple of deals. I can’t afford to lose a lot, but at the same time, I’m an unknown quantity. Until I establish myself, get a good reputation and status in the community, I’m just going to have to suck it up.

I wish Grey was around. I’m hungry, and for more than just his cooking.

Rey, March 4, 2009

My birthday passed the way it almost always does – without fanfare, or friends, or presents. Not so much as a phone call from Lyla or Ramiel. Of course, if they called the cabin, they’d have gotten the voice mail. I checked, but if anyone called, they didn’t leave any messages. They’re probably busy, doing whatever it is they have to do in Mythic City.

Grey didn’t do anything either, but I don’t expect it. He’s not used to needing to remember this kind of thing, let alone other holidays normal people celebrate. That’s okay. When he’s with me, he more than makes up for it. The last time, we went for a run in the woods. I lasted longer than before, able to run through the woods longer before he decided to catch me. He was really excited, and when his eyes bleed to wolf, it sets me on fire. The first time was hard and fast, like we were rutting beasts. He took me from behind with such force I had to brace myself against the fallen tree to keep from being pushed head first into the ground.

When we were done, he gathered up my torn up clothes and carried me back to the cabin. We got cleaned up in the shower together, and ended up doing it again. It started in the bathroom and finished in the bed. This time it was slow and meticulous. I deep throated him, bringing him explosively twice, grunting my name, his hands tangled in my hair or gripping the bedsheets with white knuckles. By the time he was finished with me, I could barely talk. He cleaned me up so gently and tucked me into bed with such a gentle, loving kiss.

But enough about that. On the 3rd, I treated myself to a really nice dinner, then visited the girls to pick up the money and check on how things were going. I got a name from them of a local middle man, someone who can set me up with people looking to move goods. I’ll be meeting with him tomorrow.

I’m going to need to find somewhere to sell the stuff. It can’t really be in Boston, so I need to find a base somewhere. Baltimore? Maybe not. New Orleans? It’s still a mess there, but it might be a good place to start. But can I just go there and start dealing? I may have to find an entry there. Get involved with the mob there? Problem is, if I do that, they’ll get their hooks into me and then I’m screwed. I need to see if I can find a way to stay away from them if at all possible.

Rey, February 20, 2009

I can’t find my cat anywhere. He’s gone. I sure do miss him. Hopefully, he’s just lost, or someone found him and took him in. If he’s not back tomorrow, I’m going to put up signs around town. If I’m lucky, I’ll get him back.

I think this whole creative writing this might just be a waste of my time. I’ll finish the courses I’m enrolled in, but I don’t know if I’m going to continue them. I won’t slack off on them either, because I certainly don’t want to disappoint Grey and Ironclaw. Besides, I paid for the courses – I don’t want to waste the money.

Speaking of money, I’ve been thinking a lot about that. I want more money than I’m getting now. I’m not going to get what I want by getting whatever Lyla’s willing to give with me. I’m positive she’s got stuff going on on the side that she hasn’t told me or anyone else about. There’s no reason why I can’t do the same. But what to do?

Drugs are right out. Lyla may have made some money by transporting and selling, and using it to pay off people to leave her girls alone, but I don’t want to deal with that. I think it’s too dangerous, and drug dealers are scum.

Transportation of goods. Lyla’s already got her fingers in there. Not an area I want to get into. But she does have something of a reputation for it. Maybe I can use that to my advantage. One of the biggest users of Lyla’s services are thieves – they can’t sell their stuff in the city they stole it from, or anywhere nearby. They need it taken to the next state, across the country, or maybe even out of the country.

I think this has potential. It’s going to take time and a lot of work to get things going. I don’t know if Lyla has anyone in her organization already who I can use. It might be best if I form my own network. Keep Lyla out of it as long as I can. Build up my own name and standing, until I’m a power to reckon with completely on my own. Who knows.

But where to start? That’s the question of the moment. Start small, of course. I’ve got no history with anyone other than the prostitutes, and that’s not in the field I want to expand into. But they might know someone that could help me get my foot in the door. If they blab, well, I deal with it.

Limericks #1

Variation #1

There once was a young witch named Rey
who was stolen away by the Fae.
In his garden she was,
a home to his doves,
which she ate when she ran away.

Variation #2

There once was a young witch named Rey
who was stolen away by the Fae.
She learned to grow claws
and run on quick paws
and slipped from the hedgerow away.

Rey, February 18, 2009

It was a really long day at work today. So many little things going wrong. Like I was all thumbs. Replacing those broken glasses isn’t an expense the bar can afford right now. Eldon Well is too small of a town to really support a bar like this, not when we’ve got so many people working here. The choices that face me are either cut back my own hours, cut back on the hours of everyone else, or find some other source of income for infusions like what Lyla did.

I can’t cut back on my own hours, not if I want to keep paying my mortgage. I could cut back on everyone else’s, but that won’t go over too well. So the other option is to find other income. Lyla made me her partner. I could really take advantage of that. There’s all kinds of money to be had, if I do things right. I know Lyla’s rolling in it, but I don’t know where any of it is.

Stealing from her would be bad. As in cement shoes bad. If I want more money, I’ll have to get it on my own. But where to start? Could I use the girls for blackmail material? How about drugs? Probably too risky. I’d probably run into more trouble than its worth in conflict with the mafia. What else? Things that would get me money, but wouldn’t require a lot of effort or direct risk to myself. I’m going to have to think about this. But quickly. I need to come up with an answer soon.

I wonder what my cat is. He’s always hanging around somewhere, underfoot. But not in a bad way. He’s fun to watch playing, and I love to scratch his belly while I’m reading a book.

And speaking of belly scratches, I wish Grey could stop by tonight. I dreamed last night he was here. I’d made a light dinner, and then we had sex all night long. Well, not literally all night, of course. It was amazing. It was like the first time all over again, but without the pain and other bad stuff. I woke up and my boxers were soaked. Talk about a wet dream! I was still so turned on I had to use a vibrator to deal with it. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of him. Just thinking about the feel of him inside is making so damn horny. I hope he comes straight here when he gets back. I certainly wouldn’t mind a an opportunity to play out another fantasy.

Rey, February 9, 2009

The conversation with Ann-Marie last night was interesting, to say the least. We talked about many different things, and I think I finally managed to get through to her about some of them.

She was surprised I’d wanted to talk to her. As it is with every time in the past, she said things that just pushed my buttons. I’m proud of myself, though, that I managed to keep my temper under control. The year of not speaking to each other except in passing or about the weather seems to have helped me, at least, be civil to her.

Still, the conversation almost ended up in an argument before it even started. I thought I’d made things clear that I was trying to ignore the problems we had before. Try to be more friendly, but she just had to push buttons and bring up old shit. Why does she have to do that? She keeps going on and on, talking about wanting to be friends and not understanding why people don’t like her. Even if I could set aside what she is, she can be so fucking annoying! She says she’s changed, but I don’t see it, not in the way she’s acted towards me. Sure, we’re barely even passing acquaintances, but still.

Anyway, I told her about the problems she caused by bringing Anu into our territory. First, she denies bringing Anu here. But, duh, Ann-Marie lives here, and brought Jesse/Anu with her. Passing the buck, as usual. What will it take to get her to take responsibility for her actions? And I know Ironclaw had a talk with her about death spirits and bringing them here. How could she not understand the problems she’s causing?

She’s so wrapped up in herself. She said I remind her a lot of a younger version of herself. I can say the same about her. Self-centered, pity poor me, blaming others for their actions. At least I have an excuse, even if it is a rather feeble one. I’d also like to think I’ve grown up at least a little bit since I arrived here. I’m certainly not perfect, but becoming part of the pack, and then Lupa, certainly has forced me to change, and for the better.

Back to the conversation. Ann-Marie seemed to think she wanted as much time as she wanted or needed. I couldn’t tell her that she had only three months, as I didn’t know if that was something to be spoken of outside the pack. Still, I think I got her to realize Ironclaw has given Jesse a finite amount of time.

She offered to leave Eldon Well, but I told her she didn’t have to. I mean I think it’s the best solution, but Ironclaw would rather have Jesse where he can watch her. She may still do so, and if Ironclaw asks me if I told her to, I can honestly say I told her she didn’t have to.

Her opinion and view of spirits seems to be at least part of this. Her kind has been dealing with spirits for millennium, she says. If that’s true, I don’t really think she knows all that much about them. She certainly doesn’t know how the Uratha fit into all of it. I certainly didn’t, despite my own dealings with spirits. I took the effort to try and learn about them. A matter of survival at the very least. If Lyla hadn’t spoken up for me, they’d have killed me, just like they did that woman who was setting traps for us. I still make mistakes, but I’d like to think they’re fewer and farther between.

Ann-Marie said the gifts Jesse’s offering are to honor the pack. Shows how much Ann-Marie knows. It’s the way of the spirit world – Jesse wants something from us, so she offers the gifts. Honor has nothing to do with it. Ann-Marie’s applying human – or maybe vampire – thinking to spirit behavior, and that’s just plain wrong. One day she’ll make a mistake, and we might all pay for it.

I managed to convince her that she needs to learn more about the Uratha, what motivates them. If she does that, she should be able to limit the stupid stuff she does that pisses them off. At the very least, she might learn who they value and their opinions of non-Uratha. Well, most non-Uratha. I’m sure every pack may have an exception or two

So, maybe some good has come out of the conversation. If she truly does open up her mind and accept the world doesn’t think as she does, she might learn something. Hopefully it’ll make her less annoying. 🙂

Rey, February 8, 2009

I saw Jesse today, and learned something that has me both scared and very angry. Angry at that vampire bitch, but what else is new. She claims to be Jesse’s friend, but no friend would do that to another. All Ann-Marie cares about is personal power. I don’t care what Jesse told me. I don’t believe Jesse would ever willingly volunteer. Not unless she felt threatened.

Hamilton says what the Anu part of her might be true – that she will let Jesse go when her task is finished and Jesse will be okay. I don’t know what to believe. All I know is that my friend is gone. Still, I don’t want to see Jesse/Anu harmed. What if she is telling the truth? Killing her will kill Jesse, and Anu will just go off to do whatever it is she wants to. If what she said is true… I don’t know what I’ll do if ordered to by Ironclaw.

And she will declare war on the pack. If Hamilton is right, and Anu is one of the Fury, then the pack will be destroyed. I doubt I’d be shown any mercy. I don’t envy being in IC’s shoes. Here he is, confronted with the most powerful spirit he’s likely encountered – or that anyone is likely to encounter peacefully. It’s their nature to hunt and control. If Anu wasn’t quite so powerful, I doubt Jesse would still be alive.

Ironclaw is angry about the situation. That she’s using Ann-Marie and myself to talk to him, rather than talking to him directly. Of course, I made things worse. You’d think I’d know by now to keep my temper in check. I was able to calm things back down somewhat, which was good. If IC decided I needed to be taught a lesson, Grey probably would have just stood there and let it happen.

Ironclaw has set a deadline of three months before he orders an attack on Jesse. He wasn’t happy to learn Anu is a lunar goddess, but he doesn’t show any signs of backing down. He and Grey are going to visit Ironclaw’s father’s pack and ask for help. I hope they talk some sense into him, and convince Ironclaw it’s not worth it. And I wonder what they’ll think about a human being part of the pack, let alone Lupa. I wonder if Grey would speak in my defense. No, I’m not going to think about that now.

I’m going to have to go talk to Ann-Marie. I don’t want to, but I need to find out what’s going on from her point of view. Maybe get her to realize there’s danger. I can’t tell her everything Ironclaw said. That would betray the pack. Most importantly, I have to keep my temper, for the good of the pack. I don’t hate Ann-Marie, but I hate what she is. Everything she represents. She says she wants to be friends, but I do not trust her. Vampires are an abomination, outside the natural order of things.

I will not deny she has helped defend and protect Eldon Well and my friends. But I cannot accept it was out of the goodness of her dead heart. I cannot help but think she has an ulterior motive for everything she does. That she is using us all to advance her own agenda. And even though Jesse/Anu says it was Jesse’s true choice to become one of the Claimed, I find it almost impossible to accept it as truth. Choosing to do it is one thing, but choosing to do it because you are afraid and want to protect others is another.

Perhaps not speaking to Ann-Marie in anything more than passing for almost a year will have given me the ability to keep a civil tongue in my head.

I’m going to take Jesse up on her offer. The chance to meet a Lune. How often could someone like me could that happen for? It could be dangerous, but I’m going to my best to minimize the risks. The Lune might be able to answer some of my questions. Hopefully, if there is a price I have to pay, the cost won’t be too dear.

February 10, 2009

There is a blessing and a curse with having a photographic memory.  The blessing is that you can remember the past with excusite detail and don’t need to journal it for yourself.  The curse is that you must remember the past in all its detail and cannot forget.  Here a journal could be helpful, where one can analyze one’s thoughts.  This is my second attempt at keeping such a journal.  It’s been about a year since I last tried.  Since then I have built relationships in this place, some good, some not so much.  It’s been a rollercoaster to be sure.

Right now most of my friends are away.  They left over a week ago to fulfill a bargan made while in distress on our last mission.   I really couldn’t go, not knowing the situation.  Nor was I part of the bargain, and besides I had a lot to do here.  That being said, I do miss them.

My relationships with them and others in this place are currently in flux.  Whatever I did over the past year is irrelivant once my soul or inner essence was reunited with my kindred form.  I’ve changed, moved farther away from the call of the Beast towards a better understanding of my underlying humanity.  However, they don’t always see that.  My brother does.  May the goddess bless him for it.

After my brother, my best friend is my former ward, now teacher Jesse.  She has, by the goddess’s blessing become one with the spirit Anu for a time.  I’ve learned much from this and Jesse’s actions for my and Kindred benefit will always be remembered and upon her release be rewarded.  Some, such as Chaska and Ironclaw are wary of Anu and her goals; but I am confident that everything will for once in my existence work out right.  It is the goddesses will.

One thing that Anu brought to my attention was that historically, my kind have always strived to find someone or something to serve.  This is true.  I have served the goddess by creating a cult that worships her, giving my best friend to her servant as requested, served my Hierophant regularly, and helped with protecting the greater good – at least as I see it.  But I haven’t found anything or anyone here in Eldon Well to whom I would give my devotion.  Not yet.  Perhaps this place itself deserves my devotion for I do like it.

I tried with Ironclaw, but despite my attempts to fool myself, I did not love him nor could ever do so.  I like him and always will.  I believe he respects me as well, especially his deciding to extend trust to me on the Anu thing.  But, I don’t know if love, like my brother found with Alice, is an option for me.  Now that I am whole, it is something that is important to me. 

I like Lyla.  I considered working for her briefly, though to be honest I didn’t like the business she was in and well, I couldn’t give myself to her will.  It didn’t feel right.  Now, we are still friends, but not close friends.  She lives in two worlds I am not a part of, the underworld of crime and the Pack.  We party, we talk, but in truth I don’t think either of us really knows the other. 

Everyone it seems that I work with is part of this Pack except myself and John.  Michael once dated a member of the same, but I don’t think that worked out.  In any case, I don’t mind not belonging to it; my existence is quite seperate from them and the Danse Macabre conflicts far to much with their ideals at times.  It is better to be allies.

Speaking of which, Chaska and I are making progress.  I like him.  We may not agree on many things but that hasn’t prevented us from getting along quite well.  It is his pro-offered friendship that, along with Johnny, helps me believe it is worth it to stay here.  His is not the only one, but a critical one at a critical time.

I tried with Ramiel.  I think he tried too.  Early on we butted heads.  Now, too many misunderstandings and suspicions have laid between us over the last year for either of us to make the leap to trust each other beyond what is critical for a mission.  He blames me I think for several things, none of which I am culpable for; or I would apologize for.  I for one thought he was a power hungry, arrogant ass.  Yet, I was wrong about him in one critical way.  He does have a bit of humanity in him.  Makes me think there may be hope for some kind of accomidation or trust to be built.  That and despite it all, I do find his bluster and self-confidence quite charming.  I only wish he could see past the fact I am not a mortal.  That and see that, despite what I may have said in the past, I do care about this place and the people within it.  Yet, to really want to protect it, I need a bigger investment.  He could provide that simply by saying, “Lets start again.” or trying to get to know me.  I hope he does, for we have more in common than he thinks.

Michael has me worried.  Mostly because he has everyone else worried and that makes it more than just suspicition on my part.  I would like to know him better as well, but from the start he has made it clear that he doesn’t trust vampires.  Fair enough.  I don’t trust mortals with too much power, but then again who does?  He acts for his own self, and you know after thinking about it, it isn’t much different than what I have done in the past.  I will wait and see on him; but I’d like to think he knows what he is doing.  If he pushes things too far, others may push back.  Myself for one will give him the benefit of the doubt.

I don’t know Rey.  She made it clear she hates vampires.  Once she learns about Jesse she will no doubt despise me.  But Jesse made her choices a long time ago and Rey and everyone else needs to understand that.  She’s in my world, just as Michael, Ramiel, and the other mages in this town have theirs, and the Pack has its world, etc.  We have to respect each others boundries.  Yet, Rey and I are both followers of the old ways, my version being a bit more primal for certain.  She and I could be good friends and allies if she so chose.  But I tried and she rejected that attempt.  It seems to be a common theme.

On this I need to rant a bit to myself.  Some people in this town get it, others don’t.  They don’t know how lucky they are that I am the type to kindred that I am.  I am not Dracula, or some horror out of some cheap novel.  I am Gangrel, a daughter of the Morrigan who has no malice toward the wonderous array of beings gathered in this small remote place.  It must be for some greater purpose that this concentration exists, that is for certain.  Perhaps that, more than anything is why I should stay.  Because these people and perhaps even myself, am important to a larger greater cause.  A cause I can serve.  I for one have tried to embrace the larger issues; but on the smaller ones, I’ve found it so hard to be accepted here.  Sure I have plans, sure I wish power and safety to do what I do, but in that I am no different than spiritkind, werewolves, mages, mystics, espers and the others that are here.  I am a monster, sure.  But like them, one with a soul.  They need to look at the monster in themselves before judging me on the monster I accept that I am.  Perhaps we all need to look past the veneer on whom we are on the outside and look to the persons we all are on the inside; try to understand one another better.  That is something I’ve tried to do.  Maybe someday more than just a few will recognize that.  I’m patient.

Rey, February 2009

Dear god, what have I gotten myself into.

Me, Lupa of the Young Father Bear pack, and partner in Lyla’s other business. It feels like a combo of a bad dream and a sick joke.

I’ve got until June to get myself established and entrenched as Lupa before they can challenge me. To prove to them that I’m the best choice for the job. Ironclaw says that they don’t like change, so providing I don’t piss them off and generally make the pack prosperous, I should be okay.

Except for Lyla, of course. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to win her over. She wants to be in charge, and she blames Ironclaw for what happened. I’m certain that she’ll probably beat me to a pulp the first moment she can. I’m also afraid that she’s planning to go after Ironclaw himself. Unless something changes, he’ll probably lose that fight, and she may deliberately break him and his spirit.

But what the heck am I going to do now?

I’ve taken the Blood & Brew from Lyla. Rose and the others would never take orders from her, and since the bar is the only source of income, I need to be in charge of that. She handed it over to me on the condition that it would always be the property of the Lupa, and if there is no female in the pack to be Lupa, ownership of the bar would go to the Ullfric. When I heard that condition, I immediately thought she was going to go after Ironclaw and become Ulfric, and abolish the position of Lupa so she could control everything. Her reaction to what I said afterwards is making me lean towards her simply caring about the future of the pack, but I still can’t shake my nagging concerns.

In checking out the books for the bar, I’m glad I agreed to take on more responsibilities in Lyla’s other business ventures. The money coming in from the catering is just enough to give everyone paychecks. With her no longer in charge, I might not share those contacts with me. That means I will have to cut back on everyone’s hours until I can replace that revenue. I certainly can’t afford to miss any mortgage payments.

It might not be soon enough to get money in, but perhaps we could work on doing box lunches and stuff for the tourists. Things that pack and travel well. That might earn us some extra cash. But I think I’m going to have to ask Lyla about those catering contacts before she leaves for Mythic City.

I also need to talk to Gillian and the others about the future. What they want now, what they want for the future. And I need to find out if Johnny’s foster parents need any help.

Speaking of help – yeah, I know it’s something of a jump – I need to find Jesse and see what’s up. I haven’t seen her for a while. I hope nothing’s happened.

Eldon Well, February 22, 2008

Friday, February 22, 2008

(late morning)

Grey’s downstairs cooking breakfast. Man, I’m sore, but in such a so very good way. A nice ache that will probably last until Saturday night. He met me outside the Brew after work last night. He didn’t walk me home, but carried me. Picked me up in his arms and once we were out of easy sight of the bar, he slung me over his shoulder and practically sprinted back to the cabin.

He’d set out another spread like before, but much smaller. It soon became clear that a leisurely dinner was not in the cards for last night. I don’t think there’s a single part of me he did not touch in some way. He was so, I don’t know, serious. Methodical. Like he was trying to mark me as his or, cover every inch of me with his scent. And dear god, how he made love to me. He stopped only when I was sore, and even then, he found other ways to pleasure me. I’d doze off, completely spent, only to be awakened by a rising orgasm as he took me from behind as I slept on my belly. He said he wanted to make sure I remembered him, and to give me a reason to want to come back. As if just knowing he’s here, waiting for me, isn’t enough.

I hope they don’t expect me to drive, because I think I’ll probably sleep the entire trip there.

I gave Grey a demonstration of one of my latest accomplishments last night too. I traced the symbols for his name in his tattoo and said them in First Tongue. Grey was surprised, and impressed. He asked me why, and I told him. Being able to understand and speak it will give me an edge. I mean, how many humans learn it? Spirits and other beings will underestimate me, and I could hear things that would be to the packs benefit. The pack can use it in times of stress to let me know what I need to do and not have to worry about giving away their plans.

I want to be as much of an asset to the pack as I possibly can. The best way for me to do that is to learn what I can about their world.

I don’t know if he was excited or worried when he realized I have only one set of plain jane cotton underthings to my name. My choosing what to pack delayed breakfast about an hour. That left me just enough time to clean up so that I didn’t squish when I walked. He walked me to Ramiel’s and gave me a goodbye kiss that left me with my eyes crossed.

And I’m going to have to be a bit more aware of how I dress while we’re in Baltimore. He gave me another love bite, this time on my right breast, and it’s going to bruise just as nicely as the last one he gave me. God, the guys would have a field day if they saw it.