Rey, February 9, 2009

The conversation with Ann-Marie last night was interesting, to say the least. We talked about many different things, and I think I finally managed to get through to her about some of them.

She was surprised I’d wanted to talk to her. As it is with every time in the past, she said things that just pushed my buttons. I’m proud of myself, though, that I managed to keep my temper under control. The year of not speaking to each other except in passing or about the weather seems to have helped me, at least, be civil to her.

Still, the conversation almost ended up in an argument before it even started. I thought I’d made things clear that I was trying to ignore the problems we had before. Try to be more friendly, but she just had to push buttons and bring up old shit. Why does she have to do that? She keeps going on and on, talking about wanting to be friends and not understanding why people don’t like her. Even if I could set aside what she is, she can be so fucking annoying! She says she’s changed, but I don’t see it, not in the way she’s acted towards me. Sure, we’re barely even passing acquaintances, but still.

Anyway, I told her about the problems she caused by bringing Anu into our territory. First, she denies bringing Anu here. But, duh, Ann-Marie lives here, and brought Jesse/Anu with her. Passing the buck, as usual. What will it take to get her to take responsibility for her actions? And I know Ironclaw had a talk with her about death spirits and bringing them here. How could she not understand the problems she’s causing?

She’s so wrapped up in herself. She said I remind her a lot of a younger version of herself. I can say the same about her. Self-centered, pity poor me, blaming others for their actions. At least I have an excuse, even if it is a rather feeble one. I’d also like to think I’ve grown up at least a little bit since I arrived here. I’m certainly not perfect, but becoming part of the pack, and then Lupa, certainly has forced me to change, and for the better.

Back to the conversation. Ann-Marie seemed to think she wanted as much time as she wanted or needed. I couldn’t tell her that she had only three months, as I didn’t know if that was something to be spoken of outside the pack. Still, I think I got her to realize Ironclaw has given Jesse a finite amount of time.

She offered to leave Eldon Well, but I told her she didn’t have to. I mean I think it’s the best solution, but Ironclaw would rather have Jesse where he can watch her. She may still do so, and if Ironclaw asks me if I told her to, I can honestly say I told her she didn’t have to.

Her opinion and view of spirits seems to be at least part of this. Her kind has been dealing with spirits for millennium, she says. If that’s true, I don’t really think she knows all that much about them. She certainly doesn’t know how the Uratha fit into all of it. I certainly didn’t, despite my own dealings with spirits. I took the effort to try and learn about them. A matter of survival at the very least. If Lyla hadn’t spoken up for me, they’d have killed me, just like they did that woman who was setting traps for us. I still make mistakes, but I’d like to think they’re fewer and farther between.

Ann-Marie said the gifts Jesse’s offering are to honor the pack. Shows how much Ann-Marie knows. It’s the way of the spirit world – Jesse wants something from us, so she offers the gifts. Honor has nothing to do with it. Ann-Marie’s applying human – or maybe vampire – thinking to spirit behavior, and that’s just plain wrong. One day she’ll make a mistake, and we might all pay for it.

I managed to convince her that she needs to learn more about the Uratha, what motivates them. If she does that, she should be able to limit the stupid stuff she does that pisses them off. At the very least, she might learn who they value and their opinions of non-Uratha. Well, most non-Uratha. I’m sure every pack may have an exception or two

So, maybe some good has come out of the conversation. If she truly does open up her mind and accept the world doesn’t think as she does, she might learn something. Hopefully it’ll make her less annoying. 🙂

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