Rey, February 8, 2009

I saw Jesse today, and learned something that has me both scared and very angry. Angry at that vampire bitch, but what else is new. She claims to be Jesse’s friend, but no friend would do that to another. All Ann-Marie cares about is personal power. I don’t care what Jesse told me. I don’t believe Jesse would ever willingly volunteer. Not unless she felt threatened.

Hamilton says what the Anu part of her might be true – that she will let Jesse go when her task is finished and Jesse will be okay. I don’t know what to believe. All I know is that my friend is gone. Still, I don’t want to see Jesse/Anu harmed. What if she is telling the truth? Killing her will kill Jesse, and Anu will just go off to do whatever it is she wants to. If what she said is true… I don’t know what I’ll do if ordered to by Ironclaw.

And she will declare war on the pack. If Hamilton is right, and Anu is one of the Fury, then the pack will be destroyed. I doubt I’d be shown any mercy. I don’t envy being in IC’s shoes. Here he is, confronted with the most powerful spirit he’s likely encountered – or that anyone is likely to encounter peacefully. It’s their nature to hunt and control. If Anu wasn’t quite so powerful, I doubt Jesse would still be alive.

Ironclaw is angry about the situation. That she’s using Ann-Marie and myself to talk to him, rather than talking to him directly. Of course, I made things worse. You’d think I’d know by now to keep my temper in check. I was able to calm things back down somewhat, which was good. If IC decided I needed to be taught a lesson, Grey probably would have just stood there and let it happen.

Ironclaw has set a deadline of three months before he orders an attack on Jesse. He wasn’t happy to learn Anu is a lunar goddess, but he doesn’t show any signs of backing down. He and Grey are going to visit Ironclaw’s father’s pack and ask for help. I hope they talk some sense into him, and convince Ironclaw it’s not worth it. And I wonder what they’ll think about a human being part of the pack, let alone Lupa. I wonder if Grey would speak in my defense. No, I’m not going to think about that now.

I’m going to have to go talk to Ann-Marie. I don’t want to, but I need to find out what’s going on from her point of view. Maybe get her to realize there’s danger. I can’t tell her everything Ironclaw said. That would betray the pack. Most importantly, I have to keep my temper, for the good of the pack. I don’t hate Ann-Marie, but I hate what she is. Everything she represents. She says she wants to be friends, but I do not trust her. Vampires are an abomination, outside the natural order of things.

I will not deny she has helped defend and protect Eldon Well and my friends. But I cannot accept it was out of the goodness of her dead heart. I cannot help but think she has an ulterior motive for everything she does. That she is using us all to advance her own agenda. And even though Jesse/Anu says it was Jesse’s true choice to become one of the Claimed, I find it almost impossible to accept it as truth. Choosing to do it is one thing, but choosing to do it because you are afraid and want to protect others is another.

Perhaps not speaking to Ann-Marie in anything more than passing for almost a year will have given me the ability to keep a civil tongue in my head.

I’m going to take Jesse up on her offer. The chance to meet a Lune. How often could someone like me could that happen for? It could be dangerous, but I’m going to my best to minimize the risks. The Lune might be able to answer some of my questions. Hopefully, if there is a price I have to pay, the cost won’t be too dear.

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