Eldon Well, November 8, 2007

I can’t believe I did it. Lyla would be so proud of me, though.

After telling her about my dreams about Grey, and then the lust spirit manifesting and wearing his face, I can’t ignore it, or deny it, anymore. I’m very attracted to him. I was attracted to Frank too, but nothing like this. I sure as heck never dreamed about him like I do Grey.

Lyla and the others left shortly after she and I got back to the house, leaving me four hours alone before I had to get to work. They say forewarned is forearmed. My dreams are telling me something that I just didn’t want to accept until now.

I want Grey.

So as soon as the others left — or more importantly, as soon as John left — I went to the clinic at the hospital to get a prescription for birth control. I don’t think I could have done it if I’d had to talk to John. John’s old enough to be my father. Having that kind of conversation with him is, I don’t know, it just feels wrong. Dr. Reilly doesn’t care who the guy is. She just gave me the “the pill or patch doesn’t prevent the transmission of disease” talk, handed me brochures about domestic violence, and gave me my prescription, some samples of the patch, and some condom samples. Won’t Lyla have a good chuckle if she sees those in my purse. Probably give me a pat on the back too.

But what do I do next? Just wait and see what happens? I don’t even know if he likes me, or even thinks I’m attractive. Maybe I could have Lyla find out? Geez, I sound like a stupid teenager. “Will you ask Timmy if he thinks I’m cute?” Blech.

Maybe I should ask her what she thinks, and if there’s some way she can find out what he thinks. If he’s not even remotely interested, I don’t want to embarass myself like that.

Well, time to get ready for work. It’s probably going to be busy tonight. Hopefully I’ll be too tired to dream.

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