Eldon Well, September 27, 2007

Today was very… interesting. I’ve been here a couple of weeks, waiting for the axe to fall because I figured out Lyla’s secret. It finally came to a head last night. Lyla brought Ironclaw and Grey to “meet” me. A polite way of saying “decide if it would just be better to kill the witch and be done with it”.

Things turned out better – and substantially different – then I had expected.

Ironclaw, the leader, is huge. NFL frigging line backer huge. And I bet not a single ounce of it is unnecessary fat. I feel like he could snap me in half with his little finger if he wanted to. However, he seems to know just the right thing to put you at ease. I felt like I was talking to a friend, or big brother, not some 300 pound werewolf that could order me killed at the slightest whim. We talked a bit, and I’m very glad he’s got a sense of humor. I made a remark about how I was feeling like Red Riding Hood, and he said they’d have eaten the woodsman. I’d like to think that he meant I was never in any real danger from them.

Grey didn’t talk much, but when he did, he sounded like a stodgy old professor. He seems a lot more, I don’t know, balanced of the two. Like he was more at peace with his Wolf than Ironclaw and Lyla. Lyla later told me that I’d probably have no problem catching him if I wanted to. As if I’d want to. I don’t want anything to do with any man beyond friendship. Every time I get close to one, I end up getting burned.

And boy, is Lyla going to be in trouble if the pack ever learned some of what she told me tonight. But I’ll never tell. She explained why it’s wrong, and what the rest of the pack would think and why. I have to say I agree with Lyla’s interpretation, but it’s not me. My opinion doesn’t count because I’m not part of the pack.

At least not yet.

I still can’t believe I’m going to become part of the pack. And I’m scared. Lyla told me what happens to Selene as the bottom of the pack, and as soon as I’m in, that’ll be me. She says that because I’m not a werewolf, I’ll be treated more carefuly. I know that’s what she thinks, but she’s not sure, and I don’t think I’d even have a chance against Selene even in a play fight.

But I’m going to be part of the pack. Definitely not what I had expected, or even set out to do. I would have been content to by a friend. An ally. Someone they trusted with their secret. I don’t know who was surprised more at Ironclaw’s pronouncement that if I was going to be part of a pack, it would be his pack. That he wanted Grey and Lyla to consult with YFB and find a way to bind me to the pack as if I were a werewolf.

Of course, that’s made me even the more concerned. So many selfish reasons going around for me to become part of the pack. Lyla wanting someone she can talk to. Me, so desperate to become part of a family that I risk everything to bcome part of something I probably have no right to become a part of. Ironclaw says it won’t weaken the pack, but I’m not so sure.

What’s a witch compared to a werewolf?

Lyla claims that my abilities and experience with spirits would be an asset to the pack. Make me valuable to them. I don’t know. I have no idea what they can do, and won’t until I’m welcomed into the pack. I don’t know when that will be, but I suspect it will be soon. Ironclaw seems to be an action kind of guy, so when he decides something is going to happen, it happens then.

I’m going to be helping Grey and Lyla. Or at least I’m going to try. If YBF deems me worthy to be part of the pack, then the chiminage he demands may not be onerous. I was also thinking that since I’m the one who wants to be part of the pack, then I should be there to help bear the burden of the price, should YBF decide I should be the one who pays.

Poor Hamilton. I don’t think he’s going to be very happy about this. He’s so afraid of dogs, and I think he’s even more afraid of werewolves. I just hope that when Lyla and Chaska found him, they managed to convince him he wasn’t going to be dinner.

Dinner. I definitely don’t want to be a werewolf’s dinner, or his punching bag. I need to find a way to drag myself up from the bottom of the pack and into a position of respect – and relative safety – without having to literally fight anyone for it. I know I can work at the bar, but that’s only going to do so much.

They don’t think much like humans, so that has to be a hinderance for them, a drawback when dealing with the “sleeping herd”. (Oh yeah, I felt real good knowing I was being compared to a cow.) Maybe I could work my way into position as a middleman, an intermediary between the town and the pack. They can’t be doing too well when trying to deal with humans, and their inherent scariness certainlt can’t help.

Maybe I could do the same with spirits. I’m certain there are spirits who will need help but won’t go to the werewolves because they’re scared of them. Or problems with spirits could crop up in the area that aren’t important or dangerous enough to have to call the pack in. If I could do that, make a position for myself within the pack doing things the others can’t do, something that really helps the pack, then it just might work. They’ll respect someone for that, won’t they?

I certainly don’t want Ironclaw, and Lyla, down.

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