Journal Entry 3

April 23rd, 2005

The last few days were hell. Ramiel was really upset about the situation that resulted from the encounter with the Waterfall spirit. I don’t know exactly what happened during the seance we held for that lost soul, but whatever it was really upset him. It upset him so badly he wouldn’t come near me, or even look at me. He was in a terrible mood and he had a big lump on his head.

Nobody would even talk about it and he was so angry all the time I thought he’d yell at me or worse if I pushed him to tell him what was wrong. That made me even afraid to touch his mind and pull what secret he was keeping out into the open. But I worried that if I did, I wouldn’t be able to keep silent about it. I was afraid to find out that I did something to make him so angry and I couldn’t bear the thought that he was secretly hating me. I didn’t want to know he hated me.

I kept wracking my mind to try to figure out what I had done, but I just didn’t know. I was so upset I cried and tried to hide it from him.

Thank God for Rey, though. Ramiel led us to this funny little town just off Lake Champlain. He said he wanted to see the legendary lake monster, Champy, and it brought me hope that his mood had cleared.

We shared a room, as we usually do to save money, though we gave Rey her own room. A storm rolled in and it seemed like he was going to treat me the same. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. I confronted him with my feelings. Maybe it was the storm — I’ve always had this irrational fear of thunder and lightning — but I just couldn’t hold it back. I knew he loved me. I just knew it. I had to make him understand how I felt.

We are brother and sister. Not by blood, I’m sure. I was adopted as a baby, so he really was the only brother I’ve ever known. I also know that people might think it’s wrong to love your brother but I don’t care. I’ve never cared about what people think. I’ve loved my brother all my life and I’ve wanted to be physically with him. Sexually with him.

Last night, I got my wish. And, more importantly, it was his wish too. I know he felt a little awkward at first. In fact, he didn’t even believe me when I told him how I felt, how I wanted to have him. He thought I was teasing. But it’s true. It was always true. And last night I learned that we could be together, always. I know it.

He makes me feel new again, like a brand new person. I’ve known him all my life, but now I truly know him and I want him constantly.

I hope it never ends.

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