Journal Entry 2

April 16th, 2005

I know I’m healing amazingly quickly. Everybody keeps telling me that and I think it’s true. It’s just that I can barely wait to get out of here. Get out of bed, out of this bed and breakfast, out of this speck of “town”.

It’s not even a town really. Just a sort of crossroads with an inn and tavern run by the same two people. The locals all live more or less rural lives out here and this place seems to be their social hub, but I’m stuck in some back room by myself most of the time. Ramiel is a trooper, but he keeps coming up with things to do. I have to just sit here and think. That gets me reminiscing on the past and then things start to bug me.

Like that girl. I think her name was Julia. She was a cultist and I knew it from the start but Ramiel had no idea. I think he fell in love with her and that really bothers me. It always has and it always will. How could he have liked her so much with me right there this whole time?

I let him fall down because I knew he’d get up again, no matter how much it hurt. I knew that girl was trouble the moment I saw her, spying her from the shadows as I followed Ramiel. I wasn’t going to let him be with just anybody, after all, so I took some initiative and checked her out. Too bad he didn’t. It would have saved him a lot of heartbreak — not that he didn’t deserve it.

I could have told him that she was leading him into a trap. Oh she might have thought she was doing a good thing, but that cult was trouble. Sex, drugs, gibbering monsters from the Abyss, yeah that was bad, and Julia was sucking him right in.

I let it happen because I needed to find the cult. We needed to even if Ramiel didn’t know it yet. I needed her to think she was going to win him over. I needed him to believe her every step of the way so that we could get close to the leader and put and end to his mad dreams of power.

So in the process Ramiel was hurt but we persevered. The cult is out of action or at least slowed up quite a bit. The truth is, I let him get hurt because I love him. He has to understand that I love him like no one else ever can or ever will.

I love him. I may kill him, but I’ll love him forever.

The truth is that I don’t care who he toys with, who he sleeps with, so long as at the end of the night he always comes back to me. That’s the important thing.

I just wish there was some way to tell him.

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